Blake Murphy Sports Writing

Title: A Running Diary of the Blue Jays’ Opener
Date: April 2, 2007
Original Source: The On Deck Circle
Synopsis: My first try at a running diary feature, a la Bill Simmons, covering the season opening game for the 2007 Toronto Blue Jays.

I’m taking my first shot at a running diary article today. I have to credit Bill Simmons (who, by the way, signed an extension with ESPN through 2010 this morning, which also sees him helping to develop shows along with his ESPN.com and ESPN The Magazine writing duties, congratulations to him, well deserved extension) as the leader in this field, and I don’t mean to keep coming back to his style but I want to get used to this format and see if I’m successful with it, because the NBA Draft will definitely be accompanied by a running diary from me (as well as 40-50 lead-up and follow-up articles). I figured the Jays’ season opener was as good a time as any to try my hand at the running diary, so here we go. I’m sporting the Roy Halladay jersey, I just ate a fantastic burger, and I’ve got the living room set up so that I shouldn’t have to leave the couch for the rest of the game. I’m becoming a master of living room set-ups to maximize the viewing experience and minimize the amount of moving. I think if I ever get a job as a sports writer the weight gain could be disastrous, unless of course I create a pimped out viewing experience IN my gym so I could do all of this while I get even more buff.

Since I’ve got some time before the game starts, I’d like to go over a few things on my mind.-So Stu and I went to the theatre to see Wrestlemania last night. It was overpriced, awkward, and embarrassing to admit. It was like those bad movie/TV scenes where someone buys an embarrassing product like tampons for their girlfriend, and of course there is a price check needed. Well, when asking for my ticket I kind of just mumbled and had to repeat “one for Wrestlemania” louder while blushing like crazy. Stu and I actually went into the longer ticket line because the girls working there were less attractive. Anyways, the atmosphere was fantastic for a theatre viewing, as the place was packed and there were a lot of legitimate fans in there. They had technical difficulties and started 10 minutes late, causing us to (thankfully) miss Aretha Franklin singing some American thing and causing us to (sadly) miss the opening fireworks, the best part of any WWE show. Stu and I bet on each match to make it more important (including a snake-style draft for the 8-man match) and we split them, 4-4. I highly recommend betting $1 on wrestling matches, it makes them 100 times more intense. I won’t give away many details in case you’re going to download but here is my review: none of the matches stood out as great (Benoit/MVP was probably the best…BALLIN!) but there were a few “Wrestlemania Moments” and as always, it was entertaining. The atmosphere helped a lot as people cheered and booed, and at one point I even threatened to deliver Sweet Chin Music to some kid cheering for John Cena. I’d recommend downloading it, especially for one INSANE spot in the Money In The Bank Match, but you’re not missing much without gambling.

-I need to announce my season predictions for baseball, even though nobody really cares and everyone will forget by week 2. I admit I was too harsh on the Red Sox the first time around but I still don’t think they’re a playoff team. Yankees take the AL East, Jays get the Wildcard, Indians take the AL Central, and the Angels take the AL West. In the NL where I know admittedly less, I’ll go with Mets, Reds, and Diamondbacks winning the divisions with the Cubs getting the Wildcard. I won’t be as pompous as to think I have a clue if this will be remotely correct, or venture a guess at the World Series, so I’ll just assume the Jays will win it.

-The Raptors have officially clinched a playoff berth. This is fantastic. There are a lot of Raptors articles coming as the playoffs approach so I won’t go into detail here but the best case scenario is that we stay in the 3rd seed spot, and the Wizards fall behind the Heat into the 6 seed. I’ve been saying a match-up with the Wizards (instead of the Bulls or Heat) has been our best bet all along, but with Caron Butler out for the season this now goes double.

-My baseball fantasy drafts were Friday night and Saturday afternoon. I know nobody really cares about other people’s teams, but I’m really happy with both of mine, especially in my rotisserie league with the boys. Erik Arnold and BJ O’Brien also have great teams, but there are probably 8 teams that will compete at the top depending on how the luck shakes down.

-This is as good a time as any to share my greatest ballpark experience of all time. In grade 11, on my 17th birthday, me and a few friends took the Wednesday off of school to go see the Jays game. We all went to Hooters for the first time for lunch and sat in the first level of left field at SkyDome. The Jays were playing the Kansas City Royals and wouldn’t you know it, current Jay and Canadian Matt Stairs suited up in left for the Royals. Obviously, since Silky was there, there was going to be a lot of chirping, but no day will ever compare to this fateful, hair-altering day. Silky is a loudmouth all the time, and I love chirping at ball games, and Plaegans has a really loud and obnoxious yelling voice – all the pieces were in place. In the bottom of the first Stairs hit the field and the cat calls started, with the most predominant being “Trailer Park Trash! TPT!” “Cut that mullet!” and my personal favorite, “Go back to Canada!” At the time Stairs had quite the disgusting mullet going on, and we let him have it for the first 3 or 4 innings. In the top of the 5th, Stairs hit a homerun that landed just a few seats away from us…shades of Roy Dobbs in The Natural. As he returned to the field he had an enormous smile on his face, to which I challenged that he couldn’t do it again. Sure enough in the 7th, he hit a bomb to the warning track a few feet in front of us but not out. That was all we needed, and the last 2 innings were nothing but screaming about Stairs’ mullet, to the point that he looked at us with hands on hips and shook his head, I’m sure holding in a laugh. It sounds like a great time, but it doesn’t end there. The following night at roughly 7:15 I called everyone who had been to that game with shocking news. As I watched the Jays on television that Thursday night, I saw a different Matt Stairs…a mullet-less Matt Stairs. We had successfully spurred Matt Stairs to hit a home run AND cut his mullet. It just goes to show that you can accomplish anything, no matter how ridiculous, if you’re a big enough asshole.

Alright, it’s almost game time. Ken Rosenthal (from Fox Sports and who, according to Wikipedia, had his laptop smashed by a Cal Ripken foul ball once) did a great job on Sportsnet’s season preview, although the host was a pretty big dink. I like Rosenthal a lot as a baseball analyst, but he needs to get rid of that goofy perma-smile. Enjoy the game everyone.

My prediction: Jays win, 5-3.

1:04. I’m Blake Murphy and these are your 2007 Toronto Blue Jays.

1:05. Ball one to Reed Johnson, good start to the year. Johnson takes a walk on 5 pitches and the 2007 season is underway.

1:07. Johnson swipes second! Stolen base! If the ball didn’t bounce on the way there he was out but for a team that will be lucky to steal 50 all year, I’ll take it. Reed’s facial hair makes me want to throw up, and makes me glad I only grew my bum tickler for a month or so last summer. This summer? I’m thinking maybe a Josh Beckett style chin hair.

1:09. This is what Overbay does, doubles. Jays up 1-0. This may be the best first 10 minutes of a baseball season ever. Walk, stolen base, double. Craig Monroe should have had that but again, I’ll take it. At the same time, this is bad news for my head-to-head fantasy team with Bonderman as my ace.

1:11. Vernon singles up the middle to score Overbay, 2-0 Jays. At this pace this will be the bulkiest running diary of all time.

1:14. ANOTHER STOLEN BASE! Vernon takes 2nd, and it’s got to be Bonderman’s slow leg kick that’s giving the Jays the green light. Unbelievable that we’ve swiped a pair already. It should be noted this may not be Gibbons’ changing his mind quite yet, as both were failed hit and runs. Also, I didn’t know Rios can hardly speak English.

1:15. The Jays score again, Monroe misplays another ball that is just out of his range, on a ball that should have belonged to the shortstop. Rios gets a double and that stolen base pays off big, 3-0 Jays.

1:18. Top of the first is over and a great start to the year for the Jays. 3 runs on 3 hits and a walk plus two stolen bases. After the commercial break, the Doc takes the mound for what will surely be a 3-up 3-down affair.

1:20. I have to suspect that a lot of the bad first inning for the Tigers is because they were all front row at Wrestlemania last night. Pudge looked hilarious, and Joel Zumaya openly compared himself to the Undertaker on the grounds of craziness…how do you not love Joel? Meanwhile, Curtis Granderson battles back from down 0-2 (something he worked on a lot in the spring, having struck out way too much for a leadoff hitter last year) and smacks a single up the gut.

1:27. A great snag by Glaus off a broken bat and a great play in the hole by Clayton (that’s what he’s here for) get Halladay out of the 1st. Too many pitches for his liking, I’m sure, but a pretty Doc inning overall.

1:31. Royce Clayton, now on his 10th team, holds the major league record for most teams played for as a shortstop. He also has multi-colored eye paint ala Reggie Bush, and he has himself a single.

1:35. Reed almost got beaned, like that would be a surprise after the past two seasons. The guy doesn’t even crowd the plate but is a huge target apparently. Pudge just messed up big time, the Jays hit and ran because of the full count, and Pudge caught a foul pop fly but didn’t even look to double up Royce, who was hung out to dry. Doesn’t come back to haunt them, though, as they get out of the inning anyways.

1:43. Jamie Campbell is chirping the wrestling fans for “Wrestlemania 32…28…33?” who were around his hotel this morning, calling them ‘characters.’ Quick second inning, including a nice running grab from V-Dub and Roy’s first K of the season.

1:51. Campbell mentions a pamphlet floating around listing all of Frank Thomas’s 487 homeruns. Reminds me of the sign of the night from last night, listing every one of Taker’s 15 Mania opponents on a tombstone, classy. The Big Hurt goes down swinging.

1:53. I just had a thought completely irrelevant to baseball I thought I’d share. Do you think anyone’s ever lost their virginity first thing in the morning? It’d be tough, because you just woke up so it’s hard enough to convince the person for sex, but also, you would have had to just spent the night with them without doing it. What are the chances of a chick saying no at night but yes in the morning? I think the only possibility is being TOO drunk at night, but still being drunk enough in the morning. Please e-mail me if you lost your virginity first thing in the morning and would like your story published. Jays go 3-up 3-down in the third.

1:57. Aaron Hill, not Russ Adams, has the first Jays error of the season. Great attempt to stretch for it by Overbay but no luck, score it an E-4. Hill follows it up with a great play to stop a single up the middle by Granderson. Next batter and Rios’ cannon stops Inge from heading for home on the Polanco single. I think we have the best arms in baseball when you look at the outfield as a hole.

2:00. The Shef sends a moon shot foul to left field on his first pitch from Halladay with 2 on, 1 out. Sacrifice fly instead, 3-1 ball game. Interesting note is that the Tigers’ batboy has BATBOY on the back of his jersey, not his name or number, just BATBOY…maybe they’ve had a lot of turnover at the position and want to save on jersey costs.

2:03. The ump sees two straight pitches that are identical, both at Ordonez’ belt. The first was a ball, the next was a strike. This umpire, Pat Tabbler tells us, is notorious for a low ceiling in the strike zone. A very uncharacteristic outing for Halladay as he’s thrown 60 pitches through just 3 innings, but he’s out of the 3rd up 3-1.

2:11. In the light of Heymans and Poll going to class and missing the game, having thought it was a night game, I’d like to remind everyone the next two Jays games are both at 1pm, on Wednesday and Thursday (no Tuesday game). The Tiger’s stadium is awesome because you don’t need tickets to see the game, you can stand on the street in right field and watch…I’m confident I would do this for every Jays game if a) you could, b) tickets weren’t so cheap already and, c) I wasn’t so bouggie baby.

2:16. Great year for Detroit, I wanted to point out. Tigers take the AL, Pistons get C-Webb back and have a good shot at the Eastern Conference title, they had the Super Bowl, Wrestlemania, and the fantastic Steve Yzerman jersey retirement, and no Eminem movie.

2:20. Quick 9 pitch inning for Halladay that included a strikeout and a nice snag by Aaron Hill on a line drive. Around the league, Brian McCann, the catcher on BOTH of my fantasy teams, is the first major leaguer to hit a regular season home run in 2007. In other news, the New Jersey Devils fired their coach with 3 games left before the playoffs, replacing him with the GM. Can someone explain this to me? One more news item…Bud Light is giving away free hockey hats again throughout the playoffs – sorry Lucky Lager, I’m back to Bud Light for a little while.

2:23. John Gibbons will keep Lyle Overbay in the #2 spot regardless of if the pitcher is a righty or a lefty, keeping Rios as the 6 hitter in an attempt to get Lyle more comfortable with that role. Not sure I like that, but Overbay doesn’t hit much worse against lefties than righties so I see the logic. Bonderman has retired 10 straight now, but the Jays are up 3-1 halfway through.

2:24. I love the new Jays commercials, same theme as last year, but the Frank Thomas one tops any commercial ever. How they let a man that big get away with child abuse on television is beyond me, but what a great commercial.

2:26. What music would you use as you enter the batter’s box? Let me know, and I’ll throw them in an article sometime, probably when I’m criticizing the lack of hip-hop representation in the Jays lineup. Last year Vernon went with Dem Franchise Boys, so mad respect there, but everyone else lacked. Royce Clayton, I’m looking at you here.

2:29. Snow in the forecast for the games on Wednesday and Thursday, as the Tigers have men on 2nd and 3rd heading into the meaty part of the order with nobody out.

2:31. Grady Sizemore led off the Indians season with a homer…best leadoff hitter in baseball. Jimmy Rollins and Miguel Cabrera are other notable homers around the league.

2:32. Halladay makes a mistake and Polanco, choked way far up on the bat, punches it through the infield for an RBI single, 3-2 Jays, runners on the corners, nobody out for the Shef. Shaun Marcum is up in the bullpen. Aaron Hill makes a fantastic catch in foul territory, but Granderson scores from third since Hill had to slide to make the grab. Tie ball game.

2:38. Halladay does some damage control and gets out of the 5th with a 3-3 tie, but we won’t see Roy be going any further than the sixth today, as his pitch count is up over 90 already. You’ll remember that Doc wasn’t dominant in last year’s opener either but he’s a winner and he’ll squeak this one out.

2:42. Craig Monroe robs Troy Glaus of a home run to left with a great catch that showed a lot of patience and more than makes up for his two earlier misplays. Could have been a 5-3 game.

2:45. Frank Thomas motors down to second on a wild pitch. It’s great to have speedy, crafty base runners who can take advantage of miscues like that. Joel Zumaya is up in the pen, which has me really excited we’ll get the first triple-digit radar reading of the year. Jays waste a lead-off single, 3-3 through 5 and a half.

2:50. Halladay strikes out Pudge Rodriguez, who we’re told will lead off on Thursday against Chacin…uhh? Around the league, Carl Pavano has been touched for 5 runs already against the powerhouse Devil Rays, helping Stu’s online gambling addiction and giving New York sports writers a lot of unnecessary extra fuel for the Pavano-at-the-stake fire.

2:52. Halladay K’s Monroe, too, and has thrown 102 through 6 innings. That’s probably all we’ll see of him, 2 earned runs, 3 total, through 6 innings for an ERA of 3.00. Pretty acceptable start, let’s hope we score in the top of the 7th so Doc can collect the win.

2:55. Zumaya on the mound now, a 1.94 ERA last year with 97 strikeouts in 83.1 innings. He also ran the radar gun up to 102 at SkyDome last year. This guy is what you’d call a “super soph” and I don’t see any way he doesn’t take over the closer’s role from Todd Jones by season’s end. Bonderman’s final line is 3 earned over 6 innings, good for a 4.50 ERA and a no-decision.

2:59. Cleveland up 9-2 through 2 innings, having chased Jose Contreras (owner of the least spectacular winning streak of all time last season) with 8 earned through 1 inning.

3:00. Craig Monroe robs Reed Johnson of a home run with a fantastic catch in left center. The second time he’s done that this game, and Monroe is not only gangsta, but apparently a pretty good fielder (on balls that make the warning track). He’s now saved 4 runs in 2 innings.

3:02. Hanley Ramirez is 4/4 right now with two stolen bags. More fantastic than that, though, is Jose Guillen’s excellent play to get Overbay out and end the 7th. No decision for Halladay today.

3:05. Johnny Damon exited the Yankees game in the 5th, but I can’t find any explanation anywhere. He better not be hurt, he’s my centerfielder in rotisserie. I’m going to make a disclaimer here. From now on, when I refer to my fantasy team, I mean my rotisserie team with my friends, and if I say my ‘other team’ that’s my other league, which I won’t reference much. Casey Janssen is in to pitch for the Jays in the 7th, having impressed his way to a bullpen job in spring training.

3:06. I need a catch phrase for on my floor next year as a Don. As a default, I’ll use “and that’s the bottom line…” but I’d like something original. If you have any suggestions, please forward them to me.

3:08. I mentioned Granderson’s strikeout problem earlier, and Jamie Campbell has now mentioned it as well. Turns out, he struck out a ridiculous 174 times last year, good for 3rd overall and first in the AL. Janssen doesn’t strike him out, but sits the Tigers down in order on 10 pitches.

3:12. Zumaya is still in despite throwing 15 pitches in the 7th. He’ll face the heart of the order in the 8th, nothing but power here. I love when announcers point out the strategy involved in the game, such as Granderson playing much more into right field even though Wells is a righty, knowing Wells will have trouble coming around on a Zumaya fastball.

3:15. Zumaya K’s The Big Hurt and the bat goes flying into the first row, but sadly, no one is hurt. No runs, no hits, one walk, and we head to the bottom of 8.

3:24. Bottom of the 8th sees a nice catch by Vernon in left center, a nice snag by Janssen on a comebacker, and an easy fly out…we go to the 9th all tied up. Stupid MLB 07 The Show has pushed back their release date to mid-late May, so I’m forced to buy Major League Baseball 2K7 this year. I’m not pleased, but a baseball game is a must-have for exam period. That should arrive early this week.

3:26. Ugly-ass Todd Jones in to pitch, sporting a Fu Manchu ala Shaq Daddy. I hate this guy so much and have no idea how he closes over Joel Zumaya, the guy just screams middle reliever. He’s a cross between “Big Horse” Burelli in Mr. 3000 and “Potato” from Rookie of the Year, with a little bit of every movie middle reliever ever mixed in. Matt Stairs is coming to the plate for Royce Clayton with one on and one out, presenting the ugliest pitcher-batter match-up you’ll see this year. Man I miss that mullet. Stairs gets the first GIDP of the Jays season and it’s time for the bottom of the ninth.

3:33. We leave Casey in for the 9th, apparently saving BJ Ryan for an extra inning appearance. I like this move a lot, since Janssen has starter’s stamina and just threw 2 strong innings.

3:34. Ivan Rodriguez has hit .300 10 times, and has over 1000 runs and 1000 RBIs for the career. At age 35, he has to be considered one of the all-time great catchers already. As I say this, he strikes out, naturally.

3:36. Scott Downs will come in to face the lefty Sean Casey. Great 2.1 innings of work for Janssen. Downs walks him, and we’ll see Mr. Back and Forth Craig Monroe, who has misplayed two balls, made two home run saving catches, and struck out three times. Jason Frasor will come in to face him.

3:46. Frasor K’s Monroe on 3 pitches, and he’s now got 4 ugly K’s on the box score, where those catches don’t show up. Brandon Inge, maybe the most dangerous #9 hitter in the league with Cano moved up to the #8 spot (note: Josh Phelps made the Yankees roster as a platoon 1st baseman with Douggie Mint, which makes me really happy, he’s one of my favorite players), is up now.

3:50. Frasor coaxes a ground out from Inge and people are LEAVING the stadium heading into extra innings. I don’t think I have a bigger pet peeve than people leaving games early, especially in close games. Francisco Rodney, another gangster Tiger, comes in for the 10th.

3:53. It’s nice that my first running diary is an extra innings barn burner, but let’s hope it doesn’t go 18 or 20 innings or anything like that. Top of the Jays order could do some damage here, and we’ve still got BJ ready to go.

3:54. Rodney with a fantastic play on a dribbler up the 3rd base line to get Reed, which brings Gibbons out of the dugout. Replay shows Guillen probably had his foot on the bag but Reed might have beaten the throw. Oh well, no changing an umpire’s call. Hurts a little more as Overbay smacks a single right after, so we have 1 on 1 out instead of 2 on nobody out.

3:58. BJ Ryan up in the pen now, which has to make you think a Jays run is coming up. Some guy also just hopped the railing to get a foul ball, with no security presence so only the ball boy could tell him to sit down. He didn’t.

4:01. Wells walks and we’ve got 2 on for Frank Thomas. Here’s his chance to win over the Toronto faithful in his first game. Instead, Thomas gets beaned and the bags are JUICED for Troy Glaus with one out. Anything but a double play, please.

4:07. Glaus lines an 0-2 pitch to left on a 3rd straight changeup for an RBI. Bases still loaded, still one out, Alexis Rios to the plate. I feel a double coming on. I was wrong, chopper for a ground out but a run scores, meaning the score I predicted is presently correct, 5-3 Jays.

4:10. Zaun goes down swinging and we’ll go to the bottom of the 10th with a 2-run lead, which is insurmountable when you’ve got BJ Ryan sprinting to the field from the dugout (I love how he starts out sprinting but ends at a slow walk).

4:12. Edgar Renteria and Adam Dunn have both went park twice today.

4:16. I love Gary Sheffield’s batting stance, love it. I also love when he strikes out to bring the Tigers down to their last out, Magglio Ordonez, with one on.

4:19. A walk to Magglio, bringing up Guillen, but to no avail as he flies out to second. That’s the ballgame, Jays win 5-3 in 10 innings, Frasor gets the win, Rodney gets the loss, and Ryan gets the save.

4:20. Haha, 4-20. Anyways, I’ll end it with a fantasy update: Stu is in last place right now, and I don’t see any way he can come back from such a bad opening day afternoon. He’s dug himself into too deep a hole, and anything his players do for the next 161 games will be too little too late.

Hope you enjoyed, I realize this is excessively long, but it’s my first try, future ones will be shorter (although the NBA Draft one may rival War and Peace). Enjoy the rest of the season all, 1-0. By the way, my prediction was right, 5-3 Jays. Booyakasha.